The travail of Olympic moms

CBC Sports
By Tara Kimura
January 4, 2006

The Olympic spotlight shines on plucky prodigies, hard-luck heroes, long-shot dark horses, and swan-song athletes. But consider the parent-Olympian who perspires by day and potty-trains by night.

Parent athletes share a clarity of purpose. One bad race no longer derails a whole training week and injury is no longer cause for self-pity. Child-rearing may be demanding but many athletes find parenthood actually boosts their games, improves their perspectives and sharpens their competitive edges.

One of the most enduring images of the 2002 Salt Lake City Games is hockey player Hayley Wickenheiser holding her toddler Noah, clad in a baby hockey jersey, after defeating Team Canada's American rivals. Wickenheiser was jubilant after playing one of the finest games of her long career.

Today, five-year-old Noah is blasé about his mother's historic win. "He doesn't really know or should I say care," says Wickenheiser. "He'll often say to me, 'Did you win me a gold medal today mom?'"

Wickenheiser entered motherhood suddenly in 2000 when she adopted the three-month-old son of her partner Tomas Pacina. "I wouldn't have had a child at that point, but Tomas and I were planning to spend our lives together so it was natural that I would become Noah's mom," Wickenheiser says in her biography Born to Play.

"I think being a parent makes you realize how lucky we are to be athletes, to be able to do what we love every single day and have health," Wickenheiser says. "The great thing about having kids is that at the end of the day they don't care if you win or lose, they just want to play Tonka trucks and have fun so it gives you some perspective on what I do as well, that it isn't the end of the world."

In January 2003, Wickenheiser tried out for HC Salamat, a men's professional hockey team in Kirkkonummi, Finland. Wickenheiser became the first North American woman to play forward on a men's professional team.

The Finns greeted her enthusiastically. In August 2003, Wickenheiser was invited back to Kirkkonummi for another round of trials but was disappointed by an indifferent coach who gave her little ice time. More important, Wickenheiser missed Pacina and son Noah.

"The hockey was sort of the secondary reason why I came home," Wickenheiser says of her return ton Canada in November 2003. "[Noah] was two-and-a-half at the time and it was difficult. Others may have handled it better but for me I wouldn't be away from him for eight months ever again."

Wickenheiser, a two-time Olympian, credits her strong support system for helping her achieve balance today. Pacina is a hockey coach and understands the demands of the game. Her parents are also supportive, but Wickenheiser still deals with her share of parental guilt.

"There are times when I've felt like maybe I should take some more time off," Wickenheiser says. "I've missed almost every Halloween of his life and different moments – his birthday always falls during the world championships and those types of things. But you know there's going to be so many of those moments and you only have a short career. I think we enjoy and balance it out by spending a lot of time in the off-season together."

Milaine Theriault faced naysayers who thought she wouldn't be able to continue her cross-country career after getting pregnant. (Photo: Getty Images)
Parenting expert Ann Douglas says a certain level of self-reproach is natural. She compares the demands of a high-performance athlete to that of a career executive.

The demands of high-performance sport

Canadian skeleton champion Jeff Pain of Calgary says when his first son was born, he questioned whether he should continue on the competitive sliding circuit. The sport demands that athletes compete and train overseas for up to 10 weeks every winter. With two sons, aged two and four, Pain says the decision to be away from his family becomes harder every year.

In the end, Pain based his decision on the valuable lessons he's learned from skeleton. "The more I learn about myself and being a champion the more I can teach to them," he explains. "When they get older they can be even better than me at whatever they choose."

Pain has a harder time reconciling the financial losses he incurs because of his sport. "Amateur athletes in Canada are not millionaires and that may or may not affect me for the rest of my life," he says. "It certainly hasn't helped my RRSP contributions over the past 10 years."

Curler Glennys Bakker of Calgary says she's fortunate to have avoided the financial crunch.

"One of the benefits of having children later in life – much later in life – is that you have some financial stability," she says. "We're lucky that we've got a little bit of sponsorship this year for our curling team so our expenses haven't been that bad."

Bakker, 43, has a two-year-old son and a four-month old daughter. She and her teammates won the right to represent Canada at the Winter Games when they triumphed at the Olympic curling trials in Halifax in December 2005. Bakker nursed her daughter Sara between ends and carried her onto the podium when her rink won.

"For me it was fitting because she's been there right from the beginning and she's been a part of this whole process and it just kind of shows what I'm all about and...that family is the most important thing no matter what it is I've won," Bakker says.

Bakker curled through the first five months of her pregnancy before calling it quits. Getting back into top form was difficult. She hired a trainer, whom she jokingly says she came to hate, and pushed herself to the limit. Fortunately, daycare is available at her gym and her rink. Now, at the top of her game, Bakker says parenthood has made her stronger.

"I think it's made me a better player because I don't take it so seriously," she explains. "I know when I step off the ice I still have a great family to go home to and that it's not the be all and end all of my life and because of that I've relaxed a lot mentally and that's made me a better player."

Bakker doesn't know if she'll continue curling competitively after the Torino Games. Like Wickenheiser, she says it's heart-breaking to be away from her children for an extended period of time. She's also troubled that she'll have to stop nursing her daughter at five months. "You're kind of torn between trying to be a good mom and trying to be an awesome athlete," she says.

Olympians should feel proud of the example they set by playing by the rules, says parenting expert Douglas. She advises that once the four-year Olympic cycle passes, the stress eases.

Parenthood brings on new purpose

Cross-country skier Milaine Theriault, 32, plans on buying a webcam to bridge the distance when she trains and competes over five weeks in Europe this winter. Theriault says she can focus on her training and then switch gears and dedicate herself to her two-year-old son Xavier. When Theriault announced her pregnancy in 2003, she faced naysayers who thought she wouldn't be able to continue her career as a high-performance athlete.

The determined skier thought otherwise.

"What really pushed me to come back to this is I know there are women who have children and are going back to work and that's what I was doing really – skiing is my job and I was going back to work."

Theriault hopes her son will learn from her experience and go after what he wants in life with the same determination.

Despite being active during her pregnancy, Theriault had gained some 40 pounds and her body faced considerable strain from carrying the baby. Three months after giving birth she returned to training and did some hiking and biking. It took a year of hard training to recover her form. Now she trains twice a day and naps when Xavier naps.

"It's not that my skiing is not important anymore, but small things don't bother me as much as they used to. You just look at life more in perspective. It's something to prove to myself that I could do it. Now it's all coming well together this year so I'm pretty happy about the journey I've been through in the last couple of years."

Douglas praises Olympians for setting high standards and exemplifying a play-by-the-rules ethos. She says after the Olympics, athletes will feel their stress load lighten, but in the lead-up to the Games she advises high-performance athletes to put everything into competing.

"It's hard enough to do well at mothering and to do well as an athlete without carrying around a horrible backpack of guilt while you're doing your event, Douglas advises. "So I would say, leave your backpack of guilt at the airport and do your best."